Milk Madness: New Beverage Taking Washington Hikers by Storm

Citing the delicious taste and refreshing properties of the beverage as their reason for the switch, hikers are putting down water and picking up milk in an unprecedented paradigm shift in the outdoor community. The latest craze, which many are saying should have happened years ago, is sweeping Washington with hikers from all corners of the state electing to add extra protein to their outings.

Nothing beats an ice-cold glass of milk on a hike. Photo by Couleur.

“On a hot day you just can’t beat the taste of ice-cold milk,” local hiker Ted Bartlett was quoted saying between lip-smacking sips from his insulated thermos. And Bartlett isn’t alone. Droves of hikers are suddenly realizing what they’ve been missing out on and are choosing the delightful dairy product over boring H2O. “This is living. Whole milk, a pristine trail, and birds chirping,” Bartlet cheerily said as he continued down the trail, a milk mustache adorning his smiling face.

Thanks to the new trend, local communities are also booming. “I can’t keep milk in stock, it sells out as soon as it hits the shelves. Hikers come in here and buy it by the gallon,” said Darrington gas station owner Mary Mirklesforth. Even the local goat and stock packers are riding the high. “Before, my goats were just for packing equipment, but now we take extended breaks on hikes to milk them and sell it right off the side of the trail. You wouldn’t believe what some of these hikers pay for a Nalgene refill of the fresh stuff,” Derry Guye, a local goat packer, stated as he tucked a crisp fifty into his wallet. “Business is good.”

These goats can make a milk entrepreneur $60/hr or more on a busy day. Photo courtesy Perry Burkhart. 

Many hikers also tout the rejuvenating and energizing effects of the beverage. “After a few sips I feel like I can take on the world. No summit is too high,” Kerry Fields, a student at Eastern Washington University said on their latest hike. “It’s the beverage of champions.”

Will you be jumping on this latest trend? Let us know in the comments.